Like every Darth has a Luke, and every yin has a yang, for every good movie dog put on celluloid, there is one really awful example of the breed. At least one.
Here is our list of the worst movie dogs ever:
10. Frank: the alien dog from Men in Black
9. Toto: from the Wizard of Oz
8. Bruiser: from Legally Blonde
7. Buddy: from Air Bud
6. Underdog, Hooch and Beethoven: all from the movies of the same name
5. The Shaggy Dog: from the god-awful Tim Allen movie
4. Odie: from The Garfield movies
3. Scooby Doo: "live action" movie version only. Obviously Scooby Doo the cartoon dog was the greatest dog on TV. Ever.
2. Precious: from The Silence of the Lambs (super creepy!)
1. Frank, the alien dog from Men In Black. Yep, so bad we had to list him twice.
Best literary reference to dogs (in books I've read):
The majority of Terrans were six-legged. They had territorial squabbles and politics and wars and a caste system. They also had sufficient intelligence to survive on that barren boondocks planet for several billions of years.
We are not concerned here with the majority of Terrans. We are concerned with a tiny minority-the domesticated primates who built cities and wrote symphonies and invented things like tic-tac-toe and integral calculus. At the time of our story, these primates regarded themselves as the Terrans. The six-legged majority and other life-forms on that planet hardly entered into their thinking at all, most of the time.
The domesticated primates of Terra referred to the six-legged majority by an insulting name. They called them "bugs."
There was one species on Terra that lived in very close symbiosis with the domesticated primates. This was a variety of domesticated canines called dogs.
The dogs had learned to achieve a rough simulation of "guilt" and "remorse" and "worry" and other domesticated primate characteristics.
The domesticated primates had learned how to achieve simulations of "loyalty" and "dignity" and "cheerfulness" and other canine characteristics.
The primates claimed that they loved the dogs as much as the dogs loved them. Still, the primates kept the best food for themselves. The dogs noticed this, you can be sure, but they loved the primates so much that they forgave them.
- Introduction to Schroedinger's Cat, by Robert Anton Wilson. A great book, you should go read it today. Or start it at least, it's a long book.
Don't worry, we'll have more cats falling off stuff tomorrow!
Have any other literary references to dogs and cats? Write us!
It was pointed out to me today that I neglected to include the greatest song ever about a missing cat: Murder (Or a Heart Attack) by The Old '97's. This song proves that even big rock stars aren't immune to doing anything for their pets.
See a live performance here:
Audio quality isn't great, but we recommend buying the album, called Fight Songs, anyway. You can buy it here.
Or just read the lyrics, written by Rhett Miller:
And the hole
In the screen is barely big enough for you
And not near enough for me to go
And the whole damn complicated
Situation could've been
Avoided if I'd only shut the window
CHORUS:
And I may be leavin' myself open
To a murder or a heart attack
But I'm leavin' the back door open
'Til you come back, 'til you come back
And I may be movin' myself closer
To a real untimely end
But I'm leavin' the back door open
'Til you come home again, 'til you come home again
And I told
The neighbors, I put pictures up
And handed out some flyers at the show
And the whole town speculating
Situation could've been
Avoided if I'd only shut the window
A survey of dogster members has found the following about pet participation in Halloween:
Survey Highlights
» 65% of dog owners will be including their pooches in Halloween festivities this year.
» 40% have definite plans to dress up their dogs.
» 72% of those dressing up their dogs will be buying their outfits rather than making them at home.
» 46% percent think the coolest costume of the year is Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean.
» 43% say their pets resent wearing costumes.
» 19% of dog owners say their pets love getting gussied up for Halloween—the more outrageous the outfit, the better.
See a lot of typing like this on your computer: tttfflllllllssswwkewqsssss?
Now you can fight back with the PawSense cat typing blocker!
How it works:
Every time your computer boots up, PawSense will automatically start up in the background to watch over your computer system.
Even while you use your other software, PawSense constantly monitors keyboard activity. PawSense analyzes keypress timings and combinations to distinguish cat typing from human typing. PawSense normally recognizes a cat on the keyboard within one or two pawsteps.
If a cat gets on the keyboard, PawSense makes a sound that annoys cats.
This teaches your cat that getting on the keyboard is bad even if humans aren't watching.
Once a cat has been recognized, PawSense blocks the cat's keyboard input. This keeps the cat from entering lots of commands to your programs or operating system.
Sometimes sites are so good they deserve their own post.
Cute Overload, is a pet site as the name implies, about all things cute. Even too cute, thus the overload. Find pictures and videos in clever categories such as "Cute or Sad?", "Matchingks", as well as irreverent categories like "Interspecies Snorgling".
These people have written the book on cute. Literally, here are some of the rules of cuteness:
Rule of Cuteness #36: If your eyebrows go up in the center, it's cute
Rule of Cuteness #25: Dangle your paw
Rule of Cuteness #9: Piles of a cute thing jack up a cuteness rating exponentially
Rule of Cuteness #6: Mimic Humans
This image covers many cuteness factors; multiple animals, looking helpless (it would be fun to turn the water on) and mimicking humans. Humans love it! I mean, half of America's Funniest Home videos is based on animals mimicking humans (the only two things better is suddenly scared people falling down or a surprise hit to the groin).
Find more cuteness, and rules about cuteness, on Cute Overload.
I suppose it was inevitable. One of the most popular kids books of the past year or so is the cheeky Dangerous Book for Boys (highly recommend, and my daughter also loves it, btw). Well, not wanting to be left out, your mutt now has his or her own version!
From the Amazon product description:
The Dangerous Book for Dogs asks a simple question: isn't there more to being a dog than wearing a mini cashmere sweater and riding around in a $400 evening clutch? What about the simple pleasures of life -- feeling the wind in your fur, digging up the grass beneath your paws, smelling another dog's butt? Isn't that part of the great joy of being a dog?
Written (with help) by dogs and for dogs, The Dangerous Book For Dogs provides insight on everything from the tastiest styles of shoes to chew to the proper method for terrorizing squirrels. It also contains portraits of noble dogs throughout history, the mysteries of cats and humans, and everything else your dog ever wanted to know but was afraid to ask–like how to make toys out of human's household items, or how to escape from a humiliating reindeer costume.
On a night quite unenchanting,
when the rain was downward slanting,
I awakened to the ranting of the man I catch mice for.
Tipsy and a bit unshaven,
in a tone I found quite craven,
Poe was talking to a Raven perched above the chamber door.
"Raven's very tasty," thought I, as I tiptoed o'er the floor,
"There is nothing I like more"
Soft upon the rug I treaded,
calm and careful as I headed
Towards his roost atop that dreaded bust of Pallas I deplore.
While the bard and birdie chattered,
I made sure that nothing clattered,
Creaked, or snapped, or fell, or shattered, as I crossed the corridor;
For his house is crammed with trinkets, curios and wierd decor -
Bric-a-brac and junk galore.
Still the Raven never fluttered, standing stock-still as he uttered,
In a voice that shrieked and sputtered, his two cents' worth -
"Nevermore."
While this dirge the birdbrain kept up, oh, so silently I crept up,
Then I crouched and quickly lept up, pouncing on the feathered bore.
Soon he was a heap of plumage, and a little blood and gore -
Only this and not much more.
"Oooo!" my pickled poet cried out,
"Pussycat, it's time I dried out!
Never sat I in my hideout talking to a bird before;
How I've wallowed in self-pity,
while my gallant, valiant kitty
Put and end to that damned ditty" - then I heard him start to snore.
Back atop the door I clambered, eyed that statue I abhor,
Jumped - and smashed it on the floor.
This poem was copywrited by Henry Beard in 1994 and appears in his book "Poetry for Cats," published by Villard Books (part of Random House).
Which is better, cats or dogs? It's an age-old question that we can't hope to solve--how about loving them both?? But for those of you that can't resist the urge to "compare and contrast", here is some ammunition!
11. Dogs come when you call them. Cats take a message and get back to you.
10. Dogs look much better at the end of a leash.
9. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.
8. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire. Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.
7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper. Cats might bring you a dead mouse.
6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon. Cats will take a three-hour nap.
5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you. Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.
4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work. Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.
3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command. Cats will smirk and walk away.
2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk. Cats will yawn and close their eyes.
1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.
This article is about a decade old, but my guess is the trend has continued...
It seems Max and Molly have gone to the dogs.
In the past, people have tended to name their pets after a physical or personality trait - hence Spot or Rover. But an Examiner computer analysis has uncovered a new trend: Human names are all the rage for canines.
Of 12,706 dogs registered in San Francisco, 137 are named Max; there is only one Fido. Max is also top dog in Marin.
And of the 10 most popular dog names in San Francisco, seven are suitable for humans; in Marin, all but one are. Molly, Jake, Lucy and Sam are big in both counties.
Mary Fishman, of Oakland, doesn't need a database to tell her that dogs are people, too. Her 11-year-old daughter, Liana Berliner, named their Old English sheep dogs Maggie and Alice.
"She thinks of her dogs more like people," Fishman said. "They're her friends."
The study of names has a name as well - onomastics.
"It may seem silly to get into discussing pet names, but it tells you a lot," said onomastician Leonard Ashley, an English professor at Brooklyn College. "It's not trivia. It's human behavior. Mankind names things - and names show the psychology behind it all."
Julie Chao
OF THE SAN FRANCISCO EXAMINER
Sunday, October 12, 1997
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
They live here. You don't.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"-niture)
I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and won't get pregnant because they've been "fixed."
Australian Shepherd
Put all the bulbs in a little circle ...
Beagle:
Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I ate was a light bulb?
Border Collie:
Just one? And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.
Chihuahua
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.
Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.
Dachshund:
I can't reach the stupid lamp!
Doberman Pinscher:
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.
Greyhound
It isn't moving. Who cares?
Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?
Hound Dog
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Irish Wolfhound
Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.
Labrador:
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!!! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Mastiff:
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.
Malamute:
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.
Pointer
I see it! There it is! Right there!
Rottweiller:
Go Ahead! Make me!
Shitzu:
Puh-leeez, dahling. I have servants for that kind of thing.
Toy Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.
A recent website customer sent this to me today. It is a picture of her dog, Lucky, anxiously awaiting the UPS truck to come with his new Dolce Vita heated pet bed!
Hang on, Lucky, I looked up your order and it is en route!!!
Click the link below and then type in commands: Sit, roll over, down, stand, sing, dance, shake, fetch, play dead etc. Also try something he doesn't recognize like "do calculus."
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Finally, try "kiss".
Continuing on the Pets and Song theme from the last post...
See below for the official Top 10 songs about dogs and cats:
10. Walkin' the Dog - Rufus Thomas
9. Plea from a Cat Named Virtue - The Weakerthans
8. Rain Dogs - Tom Waits
7. Cat Claws - The Kills
6. The Terrier Song - The Kids in the Hall
5. Kitty - The Presidents of the United States of America
4. Hound Dog - Jerry Lee Lewis (not the Elvis version, controversial!)
3. Lovecats or Shake Dog Shake - The Cure (take your pick)
2. Everything Reminds Me of My Dog - Jane Siberry
1. Fido, Your Leash is Too Long - The Magnetic Fields
Just in case you've been hiding under a "No Pets Allowed" rock for the past few months, you probably are well aware of the I Can Has Cheezburger phenomenon.
If you haven't heard of Lolcats (generic term for the pictures found on the Cheezburger site), a bit of background is in order: According to BusinessWeek.com, "I Can Has Cheezburger was started by Eric Nakagawa, a software developer in Hawaii, posting a single photo of a fat, smiling cat he found on the Internet, with the caption, “I can has cheezburger?†in January, 2007, at a Web site he created. It was supposed to be a joke. Soon after he posted a few more images in the same vein: cute cats with funny captions written in a silly, invented hybrid of Internet shorthand and baby-talk. Then he turned the site into a blog, so that visitors could comment on the postings. What happened after that would have been hard for anyone to predict.
Cheezburger now gets 500,000 page views a day from between 100,000 and 200,000 unique visitors, according to Nakagawa."
Even more fun, perhaps, are all the other places the Lolcats are showing up and the places the concept is spinning to. Here are five we've found:
5. Lolzombies. "I Can Has Braaaaaains!" Google it, if ye dare.
4. P.G. Wodehouse (sort of). Mark Liberman at Language Log posited the best theory about Lolcat grammar, arguing that Lolcat is best described as kitty baby talk, as often spoken memorably by certain P.G. Wodehouse characters. Liberman cites a 1922 passage from The Clicking of Cuthbert: "Little Tinky-Ting don't need no liver-pad, he don't," said Mrs. Luella Mainprice Jopp, addressing the animal in her arms, "because he was his muzzer's pet, he was.
3. From one of our investors. Thanks, Scott!
2. Geekipedia, a supplement to Wired, October 2007, page 029.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
- The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
- I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
- "Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
- I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
- When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
- We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
- I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with it.
- The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher or trashcan.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
- I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope.
How many does your dog remember? Leave us a comment!
Who could so cruelly endanger the pet health of this poor kitty? This cat is being held ransom, but the right caption could save it's life! Not really, but it could win you fame and acclaim, and possibly a future headline-writing gig.Submit your caption in the comments below for a chance to win! Our Caption: "Go Ahead: I've Got Eight More." Update: Last week's caption contest was considered a draw. Matthew wins Most Creative and Jarrod wins Most Deranged. Congratulations to all!
I don't know if this woozy little kitty was just hitting the catnip too hard or what, but this cat is totally out of it! Watch it nod off and then jerk back awake like a bored employee in a board meeting. Hilarious! Have to say, such erratic sleep can't be good for pet health....
This video is like the Cirque de Soleil of cats! Cats on their hind legs. Cats fearlessly jumping through water. Cats squeezing themselves through impossibly small crevices. It's all here! Check it out.... Warning: Trying these at home could be hazardous to your pet health.
Announcing a new feature here on the Dolce Vita pet blog: Each week we will post a cute cat picture just begging to be captioned by you, our most creative readers! Picture subject will range anywhere from animal antics to pet health, to just general cat craziness.And if you have a particularly cute picture of your kitty in a Dolce Vita pet bed, send it in and we'll caption that as well! The winning caption will be featured the following week, so don't forget to check back. To enter, just leave a caption in the comments section below. Here's our first fabulous cat pic, with a caption by us just to kick things off!
"I can't believe The Craiglist Ad said become the next Tony the Tiger" "I can't believe The Craiglist Ad said become the next Tony the Tiger"
This slow motion montage of flying dogs and lasers (what could be more awesome) is way better than all those cheesy kissing scenes that use emulate this technique. Check out the art film Birds aka Flying Dogs here.
Rainy day? Looking for a fun family activity? Just enjoy stoking the age-old controversy between dog-loves and cat-lovers? Pull up a seat and please enjoy this round-up of the ten best Dog and Cat Movies of All Time. Popcorn not included.
1) Milo and Otis
2) The Truth About Cats and Dogs
3) Cats versus Dogs
4) Lady and the Tramp
5) All Dogs Go to Heaven
6) Best In Show
7) Garfield
8) Homeward Bound
9) White Fang
10) Cats
Let me give you some perspective on our situation. We call our pet rotweiller Pavarotti, because he’s a Rottie and because of the elaborate doggie opera he used to put on every time we went for a car trip. We couldn’t even drive to the park across town without ear-splitting arias of howling and scratching rising from the backseat, shattering our concentration and making adult conversation impossible.
We tried everything. Dog bones. Soothing chew toys. Books on tape. Nothing worked at calming our little neu-rottie-until the ColdHeat cargo bed. Its like finding the perfect crib and having that first blessed moment where your baby sleeps all the way through the night. Suddenly, the whole world looks brighter. You no longer fear getting behind the steering wheel. The Cargo bed works like a charm to help keep your pup peaceful and happy, even on long car rides. After a seemingly endless encore, the doggie opera is finally over.
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